Blog Title

Merry Chinese Christmas everybody! I've been keeping busy lately doing preventative maintenance on all of the computers around my schools. Why? Because dumb-shits don't think they need to take care of their computer equipment. You'd think that working in a school would encourage teachers to appreciate the money their district spends on technology to make their jobs easier, but nooooo. I get to walk around with a damn vac/blower and recreate Nagasaki. But I'm not complaining. At least I have a job (knock on laptop.) I mean it's good exercise. The only other exercise I get nowadays is playing drums on Rock Band 2. We picked it up after Christmas and we're getting pretty good at it. Kelly can play Medium Bass on some songs and Hard Vocals on others. I can play Medium Guitar on some and Hard Drums on others. We tried to name our band Prepubescent Penguins, but that was taking too long to type so we settled for Prepub.
The Road is a pretty good read. I'm not quite finished, but it's one of those that is hard to put down. It's so grim and fascinating you can't look away. Kelly read it a couple of months ago and would tell me about it. She would lie in bed until 11 (which is like 3 am Central Kelly Time) to read about cannibalism and starvation.
Let's see... what else... New Years was uneventful. We stayed up, but didn't watch the ball drop since it was brought to us by Toshiba Toshiba Toshiba. I hate product placements (buy Rock Band 2.) We watched Dirty Dancing ala Rifftrax. It may be a new holiday tradition. Makes as much sense as any others.

Blogger, now with 50% more livejournal

Here’s how this one works.
1. Choose the 4th picture folder on my computer
2. Choose the 4th picture
3. Explain the picture
4. Tag 4 people to do the same

This is Greg. Say "Hi," Greg.
Greg says hi.
This was taken in Joshua Tree National Park, CA. He's wearing my shirt because he lost his luggage. Most people I know would have freaked out the whole time, but he's chill like that. Well, I guess technically he didn't lose his luggage, airport employees lost his luggage. But who cares? He eventually got it all back I think. We were out in Coachella for 3 day long concert thing, the details of which are on the Picasa page. But again, who cares?
Today has been pretty boring. Not many tickets to work. At least there is a Christmas party to look forward to tonight. Oh and one tomorrow at a piano bar or something. We'll see if there is any drunken debauchery that warrants blogging. Crossing my fingers!
While I'm here I must pose the question: WTF IS UP WITH BOOTS?
I guess it should follow that people sought out the hugest f'in sunglasses possible for the sake of "fashion." Why not deck out with some giant freaking fuzzy boots? You're halfway to a outfit worthy of some cheesy post-apocolyptic 80's movie. I'm going to buy stock in faux-fur vests and make hundreds of American dollars someday! I have to hold back the urge to go up to 6th grade girls and ask them "Hello little girls, are you going skiing?"
"Uh no"
"Well then get those f'in boots off your f'in feet."
But I digress. I'm just jealous that I can't pull off such keen fashion sense. I remember the early 90's when Kurt Cobain made it ok for me to wear my dad's old plaid jacket and not wash my jeans for weeks on end. I wonder what ever happened to ol' Kurt...

oh yeah, the tagging... I know only a few people who read this blog and fewer still with pictures that are not considered obscene. Here goes: Lili, Greg, uh... Tiffany... Kelly?

I call it... Wonky Snowman with Penis

Not too many people appreciate the delicate art of unintentionally sexual Christmas confections. Some people see this as a cookie with an extra leg upon which to prop itself. Some see a snowman dong. I see a tasty holiday treat! This picture was in the Columbia monthly magazine intriguingly named... wait for it... Inside Columbia. They mainly deal with the going-on's of inside and outside Columbia.
The photography leaves something to be desired. Many of the pictures in this month's issue are of models in festive party attire captured halfway between thinking about maybe wanting to sneeze and contemplating whether the universe is contracting or expanding. I wish I'd taken more pictures while sitting in the allergist's office. I assumed their content would be online, but they are funneling most of their resources into the naughty cookie market at the moment.
Kelly and I visited the ol homestead last week. If you leave Columbia right after work and stop for gas and cheap truck-stop birthday presents for the wrong nephew you can make it to my grandma's house before 1am. Go ahead. Try it. The first day there we introduced her to Wii Bowling. It only took her about 50 tries to get the buttons down, but once she did it was pretty fun. I was pretty shocked when she got a turkey before the second game was finished. That pissed me off so I proceeded to kick her ass at golf. Take that, Grandma!
We had 4 turkey dinners to go to that week. Jason and Dawn's was full of people we didn't really know, but the turducken was damn tasty. The dinner at my grandma's was less than ideal. Someone decided that since we should combine it with a 3 year old's birthday! YAY! There was much yelling frantic running about. But it did give me a chance to admire my half-sister's amazing decorating abilities. Yes, Woppy Birthde? 7@ny indeed.
After we escaped that dinner we went to Joanna's mom's and there were exactly 0 children running around. It was amazing. People were making intelligent conversation over wine and candles. My head almost assplode!

"Wine used as a pun"

We stayed at a B&B in Hermann this weekend. You probably can't make out the title of the book on the bed, but it reads Atlas of Communism. I don't know if the innkeepers left if there as a joke or if the town of Hermann is more proud of its German heritage than once thought. We toured 7 wineries ranging from the "hey that's pretty good" to "hey wait a minute, did you make this in the toilet?"
We met some nice people and had a great time all-in-all. The B&B was supposed to be haunted, but we never saw the slightest signs of supernatural activity. I did have a dream that we were staying in an abandoned elementary school that was full of ghosts including Pyramid-Head from Silent Hill. That was fun. I don't want to bore anyone with the details of our trip, but check out the pictures of me acting far more drunk than I actually was.

Bad Reads

Good Reads, you've gone too far. Apparently they have a new feature that lets you post what page of what book you're on, as if anyone would care. Do they think people need to stop reading, update their goodreads page with what page they're on, then continue reading? I sure don't, by golly!
Sorry, it's a full moon. GWAR!
So the Kelly and I are off to Hermann this weekend for our anniversary and a wine tour thing. We would bring our bikes if the temperature was expected to get over 40, but it ain't. The B&B rooms are all kinda scary looking. One of the other couples is preggers so she's automatically the designated driver. Sometimes getting knocked up is a good thing!
Sometimes.

And I was going to post some pics of the Halloween party, but they were taken on Kelly's phone and look like crap. They are on my picasa site if you're curious.

Sun-Maid Raisins

Got bored. Have some haiku's:

Google
Scarlett Johansson
What show was she in again?
Image SafeSearch off.

CNN
What is on the news?
Probably some politics
HEY BILLY MAYS HERE

Fox News
Obama is bad
Even his name is scary
No, that's not racist.

Zombies
Did you hear something?
Hey stop chewing on my leg.

Damn now I'm hungry.

Burning Gourds!

Look out! The grim reaper has a pronounced forehead and a testicles nose. Kelly was truly inspired last night. Our pumpkin carving party went from 7 people to just we two, but that's fine cuz other people are stupid! Who needs em? We made a fire in the pit as the sun set. As I carved my pumpkin I wondered how I would explain this ritual to someone in Liberia. Our culture is so detached from what we were a few thousand years ago. We take so much for granted. Just because I show up to work and appear to remain alert for 8 hours a day I'm entitled to a seemingly unlimited supply of food. I can call forth running water from about 14 locations in my house. To American's that's nothing. To the rest of the world it's heaven. If my jeans don't fit just right I can run out and but a dozen others... sorry I'm starting to ramble and depress. Sometimes you just want to run away and live in the woods until you think what am I going to eat? How will I take a 10 minute hot shower in the morning? Who will be my role model now that my role model is gone, gone, ducked back down the alley with some roly poly little bat-faced girl. Damn you, Paul Simon! I will not call you Al! It makes no sense!

So anyways, who has their Halloween costume ready? It may be the most important decision you make this year. Screw the presidential race. Hey that reminds me. I think I heard something about Canada having an election recently. Good for them! I think I heard a 5 second quip on one of them "news" channels. I guess it's somewhat important that they erected a new leader, but who has time to report that when there's so much juicy finger-pointing going on in this country? They say Obama is up in the polls which is good, but all the lazy youngins will use that as an excuse to skip voting. Look guys! Every electoral vote counts. The citizens, not so much, but if you are a member of the electoral college you better get out there and vote. My mind can not wrap around exactly how that process works, but I trust it's in the best interest of this great nation. Amen.